In a recent weekend of Marriage Enrichment for Couples in Cochabamba, Dr. Felipe Train from Sucre noted 4 principios Biblicos para el matrimonio: amor incondicional, perdonar y ser perdonado, descubrir el potencial dado por Dios y conocer y ser conocido.  These are principles that, if treated sincerely, will improve communication between husbands and wives.  If we communicate well, our children will have no fears in also communicating with parents.

When I was dating my wife, she lived and worked more than 3,000 km from me.  I could not wait till I knew she was home from work, had eaten supper and would be waiting for my phone call.  We talked for at least one hour every single night of the week.  When my monthly phone bill came, I thought I had bought half the phone company.  When we were newly married, I could sit with my bride for hours, not saying a word.  Then came children and more important work.   What happened to my most precious time – time with my best friend?

Dave Carlson gives 3 “do’s” and 3 “don’ts” that are helpful in improving communication between spouses which help assure happy families.

Do’s:

1. Do listen for the other’s feelings, what is going on inside him or her.  Husbands, are these 6 primary feelings in our mental dictionary and do we look for them in our wives every day: fear, anger, sadness, happiness, excitement and tenderness?  It is twice as powerful when we add words of love to our hugs and kisses.  Our children love to see and hear our affection.  It makes them feel secure.

1. Do try to understand the needs being expressed through the communication.  When we only hear the words being communicated and miss the needs for freedom, love, self-esteem, security or belonging hidden behind the words, often the spouse will close down and communication breaks down.

1. Do respond to the message you are hearing.  Repeating back what we have heard makes certain we have heard the message correctly.

Don’ts:

1. Don’t assume, but ask what our spouse feels or intends.

1. Don’t anticipate or complete the thought or sentence for our spouse.

1. Don’t stereotype or generalize, assuming “all men” or “all women” are alike.  Your spouse is a unique individual – the one who made your knees feel like jello when you would see her dressed up for a date.

None of us are perfect as individuals – nor are our marriages perfect.  As we work together to maintain our love and communicate well, our homes will be a good environment for growing and happy children.