My wife and I have 5 wonderful children.  Like you, we proudly waited for their first words.  We would claim that any babble from our baby was “Daddy” or “Mommy.”  I, being a man, was always proud to say our child’s first word was “Daddy.”  I am absolutely certain though that one of the very first words that any of our 5 children learned that demonstrated any emotion or desire was “no.”  What a shock!  After thinking about how they learned that word, I recalled how many times I’d used “no” when my child got close to something I didn’t want broken, or cried when I wanted quiet, or got close to the stove, or …  I realized I had taught my child well the art of expressing my desires.  They were learning the art of independence.

We as parents need to teach our children independence.  They have to learn the skills of problem-solving and decision-making in order to be free to be all they can be.  Very hurtful to my wife and me is when our children have made mistakes and have paid dearly for them.  We have pride when our children have made good decisions and have achieved the rewards resulting from those good decisions.  Such training or teaching requires our time, dedication, energy, continued practice and vision.  Proverbs 22:6 records King Solomon , “Teach a child to chose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain on it.”

Children don’t necessarily want independence; we have to encourage them.  The mother eagle must push her chick off the cliff.  Our children need to know we love and support them as they begin to problem-solve and make decisions.  Sometimes the best way to help children make good decisions is to allow them to make poor ones.  We need to guard that the poor decisions they make will not either devastate their self-esteem or cause them irreparable damage physically or emotionally.

We need to consciously give our children larger responsibilities as they grow older.  Independence comes naturally when our children become teenagers, though they may not know how to deal with it.  Teen years are easier for families when parents sit down with their teens and together review choices and possible outcomes.  We need to avoid the phrase, “when I was young,” but, internally reviewing our past & our experiences, look only at the core issue and potential outcomes.

None of us are perfect as individuals – nor are our marriages perfect.  As we work together to maintain our love and help our teens gain independence, our homes will be a good environment for growing and happy children.