The writer of the Proverbs said, “A gentle answer turns away anger.” He also said, “The wise control their anger but the foolish unleash their anger.”

In our society where the aggressive gets the contract or the person who is always in control is seen as the winner, how is a gentle person going to gain anything?  Who is the hero in our homes, schools or among our children’s friends? My guess is that it’s the super hero – the one who forcefully eliminates all obstacles to achieve success. Is this the formula for success that we are deliberately and inadvertently teaching our children? Often I tell my children to be aggressive in the classroom or on the athletic field, but then comfort them when they come home in tears because a bully has pushed his (or her) way ahead without regard for the feelings of others.  Do I have double standards? How can I really encourage gentleness while wanting to see my child succeed?

My heroes are winners in their vocations – and - gentle in their spirit. I admire the person who has a single focus toward success, but still treats his or her family, friends and associates with a gentle spirit. We all know the person who will run over anyone in their way in order to achieve their goal. We may admire the appearance of success but really want nothing to do with them as people. Solomon, the writer of the quote to start this article, was known as the wisest man alive.  People came from all corners of the then known world to see his accumulation of wealth and to listen to his wisdom in the Sciences and Philosophy. He was a success. But some considered him weak in his treatment a son who tried to usurp his kingdom. I admired him leaving the results to God rather than going after his son as his advisors insisted. I admired his weeping as his son died in the insurrection.

Can we encourage creativity, single-minded determination toward achievement and success in activities as well as encouraging a spirit of gentleness in our children that preserves the sanctity and integrity of their fellow students? Gentleness is one of the most difficult characteristics to develop. It means treating others as we want them to treat us. That’s the message of love that Jesus taught his disciples. Let’s train our children the same!

None of us are perfect as individuals – nor are our marriages perfect.  As we work together to maintain our love and a strong marriage, our homes will be a good environment for growing and happy children.