As I enter the yard, I see three generation of men at the barbeque. Two generations of women from 3 different families are in the kitchen preparing the salads, potatoes, rice and drinks. A Grandmother cuddles a young boy on her lap – he was pushed by his cousin and scrapped his knee. Some of the older girls are pushing toddlers on the swing; while some younger girls are in the cabaña playing. It’s Sunday afternoon – family is community.

I have just laid down some tough rules to my daughter. She is not at all happy with me or anyone else in our family just now. She goes next door to talk to our neighbor who just happens to be almost half my age and is cool. They talk about life, dad’s rules, drink hot chocolate and eat ice cream with chocolate sauce. Soon she bounces back into the house and is off to see a friend. Family is community.

Growing up in Africa and went to boarding school with my 4 brothers and sisters. I sometimes would have nothing to do with them but would play with boys my age. At night I’d lay on a hillside with my best friend and watch shooting stars. My friends taught me how to play marbles, futbol and tennis. Family was community.

At university I lived in a small basement room with my brother while the rest of our family was still in Nigeria. If I needed someone to talk to I would go to my track coach. I could always sit in his office and know he would listen to everything I had to say. Family is community.

We can select some in the “community” that will influence our children - others they pick by themselves. You and I did the same as we were growing up. Jesus chose His disciples and walked with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 3 years. But Jesus was not the only “community” that influenced His disciples. Other “community” influenced the mind of Peter to deny he even knew Jesus. Judas betrayed Jesus because of the power money had over his decisions. We need to realize that we cannot control all that influences our children, but we need to know our children well enough that we can detect negative influences and encourage our children positively. Family is indeed community – both positive and negative, but community influence can be filtered.

None of us are perfect as individuals – nor are our marriages perfect.  As we work together to maintain our love and a strong marriage, our homes will be a good environment for growing and happy children.