I’ve been thinking a lot about independence over these last couple of weeks. Bolivia, a sovereign nation, celebrates her independence with displays of military power, parades of diverse indigenous peoples that make up a multicultural nation, family gatherings, firecracker and flags on taxis, busses and cars. Two of my daughters have shown their independence by marrying men of their choice and bringing into the world two wonderful children. Another daughter will graduate from university and go to China to teach English. Another daughter chose a university to study nursing while living thousands of kilometers and in a different country from us. My son chooses to play basketball every morning in the Costenera with his friends and then chooses to sleep over night at his friend’s home.

 Independence! In my favorite drama, Fiddler on the Roof, Tevia, a Jewish father fights for “Tradition!” Tradition is what keeps the family and peoples together! One by one his daughters choose to challenge his core values of tradition, and Tevia struggles with his family, his friends and God.

Does independence mean freedom without restrictions and obligations? Freedom is one of the most precious and priceless gifts we can give our children on their road to adulthood. But how do we, as parents, teach this to our children?

First is by our example. I am an independent man and yet how do I demonstrate my independence as a married man who is a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ, living under the rules of a sovereign nation and following the regulations of the organization for which I work? Our children watch and learn. Am I arrogant, compliant, happy, angry …? Do I choose to be creative within the limits of the institutions I have independently chosen? Do I make wise choices with good consequences – or does my independence lead to choices that cause me and my family heartache?

Secondly, have we helped build solid values into the fabric of our children that they can use as foundations for making good choices and barriers that eliminate making hurtful choices?

Do we wisely allow our children to make independent choices within the safety and security of a family structure that will support them when their choice results in success, failure or embarrassment? Do we help them deal with the results and guide them in future independent choices?

This is one of the most difficult and yet rewarding responsibilities we as parents have obligated ourselves to in our independent choice to bring children into the world.

None of us are perfect as individuals – nor are our marriages perfect.  As we work together to maintain our love and a strong marriage, our homes will be a good environment for growing and happy children.