How many of us say out loud, “I don’t care what other people think about me,” but on the inside we intensely want intimacy and affection? This desire is especially true in our relationship with our parents. Gaining or missing out on parental approval has a tremendous effect on us. Psychologist, Gary Smalley stated, “What happens in our relationship with our parents can greatly affect our present and future relationships.”

Studies have determined a direct relationship between the typical Jewish mother sending her young boy to school every morning smothered with kisses, hugs and statements like, “You are the smartest boy I have ever known!” and the high percentage of brilliant Jewish scientists, educators, inventors and financiers. An equally high and sad relationship has been shown to parents who berate their young children and adults with low self-esteem and who achieve very little.

The Bible tells the story of Jacob wrestling all night with an angel.  As the sun begins to rise, the angel has to leave, but Jacob refuses to let go of him and cries, “I will not let you go unless you bless me!” Elisha grabbed hold of Elijah’s mantle as Elijah is taken to heaven in a whirlwind. Esau wept before his father Isaac after Joseph deceived Isaac and received the firstborn son’s blessing.

Why is a blessing so important to us and how can we “bless” or spouse, children and others?  Blessings are important because they imply worth to the one receiving the blessing.  They also assure the acceptance of ones we value most.  With a foundation of approval, love and the value of those most important to us, we can confidently face almost anything this world can throw our way.  Psychologists Trent and Smalley state that “blessings” come in the following:

1. Meaningful touch: Babies, children, teens and adults of all ages feel blessed with appropriate hugs, a gentle touch or holding hands.
2. Spoken words: Honest, encouraging and uplifting words not only bring healing but encourage us to face most obstacles.
3. Expressing high value:  My wife and children know I would rather be with them than any else in the world. I value them today and point out their future potential.
4. Picturing a special future:  Jesus promised His disciples, “In my father’s house are many mansions” and one prepared just for you!  Do our children have hope for their children?
5. An active commitment:  I promise my wife not just a commitment, but I prove it.

Let’s practice “blessing” our loved ones this week and watch for the joy, renewed zest for life and a blessing returned to us.  None of us are perfect as individuals – nor are our marriages perfect.  As we work together to maintain our love and a strong marriage, our homes will be a good environment for growing and happy children.